Jokes/Pictures

Almost rang you earlier.
I was out shopping and thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread.
then I realised it said.
"thick cut"

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Unknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the wardrobe.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the
wardrobe
with the little boy.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes it is.'
Boy: 'I have a football.'
Man: 'That's nice.'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '£250.`

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mum's
lover are in the closet together.

Boy: `Dark in here.`
Man: `Yes, it is`
Boy: `I have some keeper's gloves.`

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, `How much?`

Boy: `£750.`
Man: `Fine.`

A few days later, the father says to the boy, `Grab your ball and
gloves. We'll go outside for a kick about.` The boy says, `I can't. Sold
them.`

The father asks, `How much did you sell them for?`
The son says `£1,000.`

The father says, `That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.`

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.







The boy says, `Dark in here.`
The priest says, `Don't start that sh*t again

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, You know, we
have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all
put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL
3 rings and were on the fire truck ready to go.




From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3

We are going to make love all night.
The next night he came home from work and yelled

BELL 1! The wife promptly took all her clothes off.


When he yelled BELL 2!, the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled BELL 3!, they began making love.


After a few minutes the wife yelled BELL 4!

What the hell is BELL4? asked the husband?
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ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, she replied
YOURE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.